Different Is Brilliant: Revisiting Iris Grace Ten Years On

Summary

A Conversation with Arabella Carter‑Johnson

Ten years ago, Iris Grace introduced readers to a young autistic girl whose extraordinary paintings captured imaginations around the world. The book offered a window into Iris’s early artistic voice, her relationship with nature and animals, and the deep connection she shared with her mother, Arabella Carter‑Johnson.

A decade later, life looks very different. When SEND Tutoring reached out to Arabella to mark the ten‑year anniversary of the book, she shared that the story readers know is only the beginning. In this spotlight, Arabella reflects on the last ten years of home education, travel, animals, teenagehood, community, and the evolving meaning of “different is brilliant.” 

The Book That Started It All

When Iris Grace was first published, it didn’t slot neatly into any existing category. It wasn’t a parenting manual, or an art book, or a memoir in the traditional sense. 

The book follows Iris in her early childhood. A time when communication was quiet and painting became the clearest way she could express herself. It captures how she responded to light, sound, emotion, and the natural world; how creativity emerged when she was given space rather than pressure; and how connection formed through observation rather than instruction.

For many families, the book offered something they weren’t used to seeing: a parent describing life with a neurodivergent child without flattening it into a single narrative. No neat arc, no fixed message, just the reality of learning alongside a child whose way of moving through the world required attention, flexibility, and patience.

Ten years later, Iris is sixteen, and the world around her has changed. So has Arabella. This follow‑up conversation matters because it shows what happened after the book ended. The years of teenagehood, travel, animals, home education, community‑building, and family change that shaped the decade that followed. It’s a chance to hear directly from the mother who lived it, in her own words.

Q&A With Arabella Carter‑Johnson

“My main message of following a child’s interests to connect with them still holds true in my heart as well as my belief that ‘different is brilliant’. I think as time went on though I became more aware of how Iris would need to fit in with society’s expectations. Things that are cute and endearing at age 5 somehow shift into the uncomfortable when they are in their teens. You have to become braver as each year goes on. Boundaries do need to be gently put in place and an understanding of how to behave in certain situations. I found that the best way forward was still to use Iris’s interests to help guide her. Her fascination with music continues and she sits spellbound at music concerts, each time learning how to sit quietly but it is paired with her passion not something that is forced or a duty. 

I still believe in the healing power of animals and they are a constant in our lives. Over time bonds change and the way Iris and her animals interact seems to develop as she grows older into what is needed at that time.  Even when we travel abroad and have to leave our pets at home we find ourselves surrounded by creatures of every variety. I do not fear the loss of a therapy pet like I once did. That has changed, Thula was magic, like a gifted soul that was meant to be here on earth for Iris. Their bond astonished us in ways that you can’t quite explain, without a doubt a truly exceptional cat but I can see that in many animals.  I see it in Iris’s pet rabbit called Sienna too and before that her white rabbit called Luna. I believe there will always be a special companion for her and for me too. It isn’t limited to one cat or an animal of a lifetime; it’s in us. Changing the concept that something happens to you and moving into the idea that you can create it. With time, thought, observation and understanding I can see so many animals that can improve our lives immeasurably.”

Many SEND families will relate to the intensity of the teenage years. What has surprised you most about parenting a neurodivergent teen? 

“Time, it’s like a battle I didn’t even know was there. You feel like it’s running out, is there enough time to build on these crucial lifeskills, your own life moving forwards more quickly each yr. As they move through the teen stages you see a different version before you, it’s like getting to know them all over again each week. They want to do more on their own but maybe some of the skills aren’t aligned to do so, frustration kicks in. Then each step takes a long time as they struggle with tasks. How if you put pressure on them you make the cards all fall, things crumble and rage sets in. A dance of guiding, patience, allowing for mistakes, knowing that you will be late, learning to not let that anxiety build up in you and to be their constant. We must be their rock and that is a challenge. By the time the teen years come we have overcome so many challenges that you think you can’t do this anymore as the new puzzles to solve accelerate. What was a challenge to solve over a month turns into a few days. Iris’s teen years brought with them a host of medical problems that were later discovered to be all linked with her nervous system and anxiety. For us, learning how to manage anxiety effectively has been the biggest hurdle. I look back at my book now and I feel like I was a ‘learner driver’ parent. The teen years bring with them various stages, at times you feel as if the rug has been pulled. You had things sorted, things felt manageable then it all falls apart. You solve one thing and get into a better place but then it all changes again. Iris is 16 now and it is getting easier, although I wouldn’t want to jinx it. Another surprise has been how unpredictable the teen years are but in a good way, we have seen leaps forward in progression in some areas that were not expected. It has taught me to be more open to what is possible.”

Many readers connected deeply with the emotional honesty of the book. How has your own understanding of parenting, neurodiversity, or family life changed since its publication? 

“Since the book was published my focus shifted from raising autism awareness onto a different path of understanding. I have worked with hundreds of families through our Community Interest company called The Little Explorers Activity Club. I learnt a lot about how different each family’s needs are and the children and what makes them tick, what helps, what doesn’t. No set formula, apart from looking at the whole picture, taking the time to understand the reasons and functions of the behaviour that you are seeing. My instinct is to flip the tendency of seeing the ‘disorders’, I see individuals who perceive and interact differently, sometimes in unexpected ways, it can be beautiful, it can also be highly distressing too. But you can’t understand if you judge and say this is bad or wrong. The terminology in neurodiversity is thankfully changing to be more accepting. But I don’t want Iris to grow up in a world that is all about acceptance. It has to have a true understanding too. Since her diagnosis we have moved through different phases of how society perceives autism, how charities promote their message, we have gone from awareness, to acceptance and I would like this new stage to be understanding with their actions.” 

If you were writing Iris Grace today, what would you add, expand on, or frame differently? 

“We ended the book with Iris’s first trip abroad. I would have loved to have included our trips that came afterwards, how learning in different environments and countries helped shape my views on education. How culture and people can help you in ways that you can’t imagine. At first when your mind is filled with the problems of travelling with a young autistic child your world feels very small but I would have loved to have written about how that all changed.”

The book introduced readers to Iris’s early artistic voice. How has her relationship with creativity evolved since then? 

“Iris still continues to paint but not as she did before. It seems to be something she dips into now when she needs to. Her style has evolved and more delicate details are added to the paintings. They seem to have more form and shapes than her earlier more impressionist type of work. Her love of music continues and today we had her violin lesson. Iris finds music concerts to go to and is a fabulous researcher so we always have our calendars full with local events. I can see her creative nature in her abilities to research and solve problems in her own unique way. She adapts and creates solutions filling in gaps, these are very often not how we would expect to see it or to do it ourselves.”

Looking back, what do you wish readers of the book could know about the ten years that followed? 

“A book is filled with stories, scenes, highlights, moments, challenges to overcome, feelings…An edited life, a point of view, a voice. It doesn’t always show the complete truth. Families change and evolve; I divorced from Iris’s father like so many families. What came after was a process of learning for all of us. Making new relationships, learning how to start again. Life is messy, everyones is, no matter what we all portray on social media or in my case a book too. We all feel like we are failing at one time or another. I can’t believe sometimes how hard you have to try and keep trying as a parent, maybe that doesn’t ever stop. My book ended on a high but that’s not where the story ended, it was a beginning. It was like finding a pathway and the start of a journey.”

How has Iris’s relationship with animals changed as she’s grown older, and what has stayed constant? 

“Thula her therapy cat has been a constant but then we have introduced many other animals over the years. We now have 2 dogs, one Bedlington whippet and a yellow labrador that has retired from her breeding career as a guide dog Mum. Iris has her two rabbits as well. Before that we were offering animal therapy at The Little Explorers and we had 2 goats that we used as agility goats, who amazed the children with their showjumping skills. We had chickens, hatched our own chicks, 3 ponies and a few gerbils along with a fish pond filled with koi. 

Iris has loved them all and has learned so much along the way as we have used them as themes in her home education but her bond with the rabbits is very strong and they have helped me more recently with Iris’s sleep issues. Iris falls asleep every night with the little brown rabbit called Sienna in her arms. 

I think Iris will always have animals in her life, they are more than companions to her, they are her friends.”

“I think any contact with nature and animals is healthy no matter what form it takes and they provide many things all at once. If we stroke a rabbit for example our bodies soften, we generally hold them on our lap or in our arms, our heart rate slows, we notice details like how soft their fur is and the movement of their little nose. Positive sensory input is all around you. The same things happen when we stroke a dog or a cat. They don’t confuse interactions with spoken language; their actions are clear and easy to interpret. Many of them will intuitively help us without being asked. A trained therapy animal works on a series of commands and will react in certain situations to help but I believe that all animals will have positive impacts even if they are not trained. It is easier to talk or read when a pet is beside you. They offer companionship without judgement. They react in the moment and don’t hold onto the past. 

Learning outside, being in nature means that you can move freely, there are no constraints of a typical classroom and the acoustics are so much better. Nature softens the world that is very often overwhelming. It adds physical and emotional benefits that intertwine with our bodies with no effort at all. You don’t have to prepare activities and spend hours in front of a computer or laminator, it’s there for you already made.”

Home education has evolved so much for you both over the last decade. What did it look like in the early years, and how does it look now? 

“In the early years I used Iris’s interests at the time to form curriculum themed blocks of learning. I would add in activities that allowed for English, maths, arts, geography… Now it’s much more free flow, less planning and more in the moment and go with the flow. As time moved on I found that she had very strong research skills and typing so more time was spent letting her explore on the computer. It’s interesting watching her ways of thinking and I learnt that I would need to prompt her, a little like sign posting and then it’s a case of giving it some time. I have realised that she needs a lot of time to process language and experiences and so I have allowed for that in our week. Her abilities to take in visual information is outstanding but the funnel gets blocked and she experiences overwhelm very easily and gets tired. So from an outsider’s point of view it may seem like I am not educating her, it certainly doesn’t look like an education that you get in school but her life is filled with real experiences. I volunteer with the Guide Dogs charity and we became midwives for our yellow labrador. Iris helped and experienced the births of 7 puppies who are now in advanced training to become life changing guide dogs. I showed her how to look after the pups in those first 8 weeks and she helped with the weaning process onto solid food. We planted over 100 trees from the Woodland trust last year and learnt all about each tree and the habitats they will provide for wildlife in the future. We have travelled to many countries and learnt about the geography, the wildlife, their culture and music…I don’t really see her education as a set planned static framework, there aren’t exams to prepare for, it’s life we are learning about. With this change I have felt a great sense of relief, what we are doing is meaningful for all of us. There is less pressure in this way of being. I know it won’t be for everyone and many children and teens need much more structure but for us it works.”

You’ve spoken about following Iris’s interests rather than a rigid curriculum. What has that approach opened up for her? 

“Travel, animals, nature, music, real life experiences. A deeper understanding of the world around her. Everything is connected and meaningful which means learning happens without it feeling like a lesson. Its exploration, its intriguing, fun, sometimes sad, sometimes very hard. Iris has witnessed the passing of a beloved pet and helped prepare the little body to bury her. She saw the struggle of a new born pup that was half the size of the others and helped look after him in the early weeks. More recently she witnessed the raw and awe-inspiring scenes of the African wildlife. It isn’t always pretty; I am showing her real life and what it means and that sometimes makes me question myself. Can she handle this, can I, what happens when we can’t. I do believe there is a balance in what I am doing with her which helps prepare for her adult years. It won’t be a shock of leaving school, there isn’t a drop off of care or framework around her, it’s just from one day to the next, one project to the next. Her education won’t end at 18 or 21. We will keep learning, it will be a lifetime of learning.”

How did exploring the world beyond the traditional classroom whether through  nature, creative spaces, or travelling to new places, change the way Iris engaged with learning? 

“I think meaningful is the word, Iris remembers all of the projects we have done in great detail. The photos and videos I have taken to record them helps with this and we have a journal book that we create every year and they have become as important to her as family photo albums. I’m not sure there are very many children these days who remember what they did at school last week, well even yesterday. Her education is memorable, its in her heart and her mind. We are not driven by tests, the experience itself is the drive. The motivation to learn is intrinsically woven into all of the activities rather than a reward afterwards.”

Many SEND parents feel isolated. What kinds of community support made the biggest difference to you during the more challenging years? 

“The Little Explorers Activity Club was fantastic for Iris but also exploring her interests like Morris dancing. We have got to know our local Morris Dancing group very well and they have been wonderfully welcoming to Iris. The same with various musicians we go and see at events. I think the important part is finding a connection, a common ground so that language, social skills don’t matter so much. There is an appreciation for the same thing and that builds trust and a feeling of community. It could be joining a local walking group or trampolining club. Anything that makes them and you happy and that connects you to the others who are there.”

When you think about the decade after Iris Grace, what achievement or turning point feels the most meaningful to you personally? 

“I think about our safari in Kenya last year. In the early years I never would have imagined that Iris could manage such a trip. The experience we had there will be with us for a lifetime and I’m so proud that Iris has come this far that it was possible.”

What would you want other parents to know about navigating big life changes like separation, new relationships, or shifting family dynamics while also supporting a SEND child? 

“I wish I had known how much time it takes to get through events like this in your lives. There are many stages to it and being as kind as you can through all it is important. It’s ok to be in a mess, it’s ok if things aren’t the way you imagined. Starting a new relationship especially if the partner has their own children too is an incredible journey but takes a lot of patience and understanding. I think making sure everyone has their own space is important, physical space also mentally, emotionally… You can’t just magic up a new family, these bonds are formed over years. There is an instinct to fill voids or to make things right again but you can’t force it or rush it.”

You transformed your children’s club into a Community Interest Company offering equine therapy, animal therapy, music and more. What motivated you to build something on that scale? And what did creating that space teach you about what neurodivergent children and their parents need from a supportive community? 

“Each addition to the club was over years so while it sounds like a lot to take on it was a gradual process, we started with one little pony, then got another a few months later and another after that the following year. So much of it was ideas coming from either our own passions, the children’s or expertise from the team I was building. I look back on it now and there are aspects of it which helped everyone who walked through the gates. It was a kind, nurturing space where the parents could relax without worry or judgement…we looked after each other. I shared my garden, the house, the animals with them like they were family or friends. I’m not sure why I acted in that way other than why not. I wanted them to feel what I didn’t in the early years with Iris – Understanding and warmth from others in the community. The idea was our club would be a stepping stone for the families so they could rebuild their confidence and then go out into the community and start new adventures. It worked, time and time again. It wasn’t a magic trick, it was just kindness. It was focusing on the positive, finding the child’s spark and running with that. I believe many could do it, parents could take it in turns to invite others into their homes. You don’t have to have a herd of ponies or agility goats. They were a fun addition but not the main ingredient. Parents could pick a theme each weekend and have fun with it. Make decorations throughout the week with the children and create an inspiring space for the kids to explore.”

You’ve said that arts, music and animals were the thread that held everything together. Can you share a moment when that thread felt like your lifeline? 

“Iris’s violin is her most precious possession and it has helped us more times than I can count. She wouldn’t leave for Africa without it and I’m very grateful that she was so determined to keep it by her side. Watching Iris with the Samburu tribe, her violin in one hand and wearing her Morris Dancing jacket from England, I realised it was her way of expressing her own identity. Iris’s little violin was her anchor, a comfort, her joy, a loyal friend that travelled everywhere with us. It was a link to socialising and connecting with the tribe, the staff at the lodge and the other guests.”

What do you hope other parents take from the idea that “different is brilliant”, even when the path is messy, exhausting, or uncertain? 

“Our lives will be different to what we expected, that is a certainty. The idea of ‘different is brilliant’ sums up a concept, a belief that we can see the positive no matter what the challenges, situation, circumstance or reality. It can be flipped to something brilliant. Noticing the intricate details, a unique perspective, an interest so strong that it makes you appreciate something you never even thought of. It could be seeing that your child’s body is doing something extraordinary, the repetitive movements are regulating their body, they act in the moment with instinct and without filters. Their ‘obsessions’ are ‘passions’. Their empathy is there in a way that connects them to what we so easily overlook. A refreshing view of the world.”

Building a CIC: Why Arabella Created One, and Why They Matter for SEND Families

One of the threads running through Arabella’s answers is The Little Explorers Activity Club, the children’s club she gradually turned into a Community Interest Company. She describes starting small: “we started with one little pony, then got another a few months later and another after that the following year,” with ideas coming from “our own passions, the children’s or expertise from the team I was building.” That slow build is important. It wasn’t a grand plan; it was a response to what families around her needed.

A CIC is a UK legal structure designed for organisations that exist to benefit the community rather than private owners. In Arabella’s case, that community was neurodivergent children and their parents who needed somewhere kind and practical to go. She remembers it as “a kind, nurturing space where the parents could relax without worry or judgement…we looked after each other. I shared my garden, the house, the animals with them like they were family or friends.” The club became a place where parents could arrive without feeling they had to apologise for their child’s differences, and where children’s interests were treated as the starting point, not an obstacle.

What stands out is her intention for the club to be a “stepping stone for the families so they could re-build their confidence and then go out into the community and start new adventures.” It wasn’t about keeping families in a bubble; it was about giving them enough safety and understanding to try the next thing. For SEND families, that kind of space, legally protected as a CIC, but emotionally held by someone who has lived the realities she describes, can make the difference between staying isolated and feeling able to participate in wider community life again.

What SEND Families Can Take From Her Story

This conversation with Arabella covers a lot of ground, but the through‑line is clear when you read her answers closely. She keeps returning to a few core ideas: following Iris’s interests, trusting the role of animals and nature, accepting that home education can look very different from school, and being honest about how hard family change can be. None of these appear as slogans in her answers; they show up in the details. She talks about music concerts where Iris “sits spellbound,” rabbits that help her sleep, planting “over 100 trees,” and learning that exams are not the only way to measure an education: “its life we are learning about.”

Her reflections on teenagehood are particularly reassuring. She describes time feeling like “a battle,” and the sense that just when things feel manageable “then it all falls apart.” Yet she also notes “leaps forward in progression in some areas that were not expected,” and says it has taught her “to be more open to what is possible.” That mix of difficulty and surprise will feel familiar to many parents reading this, and it’s grounded in very specific experiences rather than abstract advice.

For SEND families, carers and educators, the value of this interview lies in that level of detail. It shows what following a child’s interests can look like over a decade, how animals and nature can be woven into daily life, how community spaces like her CIC can rebuild confidence, and how a belief like “different is brilliant” can survive real stress and still feel meaningful. It doesn’t promise an easy path; it simply shows one family continuing to learn, adjust and notice the small, brilliant things along the way.

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Ella Jones

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