Communication Difficulties? Or Communication Differences? Understanding the Many Ways Children Communicate

Summary

Our goal is not to “fix” communication. It’s to support expression, build confidence, and honour the child’s voice in whatever form it takes.

Communication is one of the most human things we do, but it doesn’t look the same for every child. Some children speak fluently. Some speak only in certain environments. Some communicate through gesture, sign, AAC devices, or facial expression. Some communicate through movement, behaviour, or shared presence.

When we describe a child as having “communication difficulties,” what we often mean is that they communicate differently from what society expects. These differences can be linked to a wide range of profiles, including:

• Selective Mutism
• Hearing impairment or deafness
• Developmental Language Disorder (DLD)
• Speech sound disorders
• Autistic communication profiles
• Childhood apraxia of speech
• Trauma‑related communication shutdowns
• Cognitive delays

Each child’s communication style is shaped by their neurology, environment, sensory needs, confidence, and access to supportive tools. 

Communication Takes Many Forms

Children communicate long before they use spoken words, and long after speech becomes unreliable or overwhelming. A child with selective mutism may speak freely at home but be unable to do so in school. A deaf child may communicate fluently in sign language. A child with apraxia may understand everything but struggle to coordinate the motor movements needed for speech. A child with Developmental Language Disorder may find expressive language difficult but communicate beautifully through gesture or visuals.

Non‑speaking author Naoki Higashida wrote The Reason I Jump when he was just 13 years old, using an alphabet grid to communicate. He explains the reality of expressing himself without speech:

“You might think that speech is the only way to get your points and attention across, but there is another way to say what you want without using the vocal nervous system.”  

In the book, he goes on to explain how isolating this felt, and how learning to communicate through written text, with his mother initially supporting his hand, gave him a new way to express his inner world. He also describes the emotional impact of being unable to rely on speech:

“Not being able to talk means not being able to share what you’re feeling and thinking.”

This reflects the frustration many children experience when speech isn’t accessible, but it doesn’t mean they are unable to share their thoughts or feelings at all. Instead, it highlights the gap between what they feel internally and what they can express through traditional, speech‑based communication. 

Children with autism, hearing impairments, selective mutism, apraxia, or trauma‑related shutdowns often experience this same gap. When we understand that the difficulty lies in the method, not the message, we can respond with empathy, patience, and alternative ways for them to express themselves. 

Non‑Verbal vs Non‑Speaking: What is the Difference? 

One of the most misunderstood distinctions in communication is the difference between being non‑verbal and being non‑speaking.

Non‑verbal

“Non‑verbal” literally means without words. It suggests a person does not use language at all, be it spoken, signed, written, or otherwise. In reality, very few children are truly non‑verbal. Most communicate through gesture, sign, AAC, writing, expression, or behaviour. Many have rich internal language even if they cannot express it outwardly.

Because of this, many advocates and professionals now avoid the term.

Non‑speaking

“Non‑speaking” means a child does not use speech as their primary or reliable form of communication, but may still:

• understand spoken language
• think in words or images
• use sign language
• use AAC devices
• write, type, or draw
• communicate through movement or expression

Non‑speaking advocate Ido Kedar describes this internal–external disconnect with striking clarity:

“The hardest part of autism is the communication challenge. I feel depressed often by my inability to speak. I talk in my mind, but my mind doesn’t talk to my mouth. It’s frustrating even though I can communicate by pointing now. Before I could, it was like a solitary confinement. It was terrible having experts talk to each other about me, and to hear them be wrong in their observations and interpretations, but to not be capable of telling them.”

His words reflect an experience shared by many children who understand far more than they can express verbally. This distinction matters for children across SEND profiles, not just autistic children. 

Being non‑speaking doesn’t mean you can’t be heard.

Our aim at SEND Tutoring, is to challenge the assumption that speech equals intelligence or understanding, a misconception that affects children with communication difficulties.

Just because a child can’t speak, it doesn’t mean they can’t think.

Understanding this distinction helps us shift from assumptions of “can’t communicate” to recognising the many ways communication already happens.

The Many Languages of Communication

Communication is not limited to speech. It includes:

• sign language and gesture
• AAC devices and communication apps
• visual supports
• facial expression and eye gaze
• movement, rhythm, and behaviour
• writing, typing, drawing
• shared presence and connection

A child who taps your arm to get your attention is communicating.

A child who hands you a picture card is communicating.

A child who withdraws when overwhelmed is communicating.

A child who signs “finished” is communicating.

A child who sits close during a difficult moment is communicating.

To highlight this, Speech and Language therapist and selective mutism expert Maggie Johnson offers a powerful reminder about anxiety‑based communication shutdowns in her training courses:

“Selective Mutism is best understood as a phobia of talking.”

This helps us understand that some children want to speak but feel physically unable to in certain environments.

Similarly, the National Deaf Children’s Society reframes communication barriers as environmental, not inherent:

“Changing your communication to that person’s needs will really help with understanding. If one method does not work, do not be scared to improvise.”

Deafness is not a barrier to communication, lack of access is.

This applies not only to deaf children, but to anyone whose communication needs are not supported.

When we broaden our understanding of communication, we stop looking for “missing speech” and start noticing the communication that’s already happening.

Why Understanding Communication Differences Matters

When adults recognise and respond to a child’s natural communication style, everything becomes easier:

• learning becomes accessible
• relationships strengthen
• behaviour challenges and anxiety lessen
• the child or young person feels understood

At SEND Tutoring, we adapt to each child’s communication profile, whether that means using visuals, sign‑supported English, AAC‑friendly teaching, simplified language, sensory‑aware approaches, or alternative ways to show understanding. Our goal is not to “fix” communication. It’s to support expression, build confidence, and honour the child’s voice in whatever form it takes.

Love, Connection, and Communication

Communication is not defined by speech. It is defined by connection, understanding, and the ability to express yourself in the way that feels safest and most natural. Kerry Magro, an autistic advocate has spoken publicly about why understanding those with communication difficulties is the foundation for better support:

“For many individuals who are non speaking or minimally speaking, communication comes through gestures, AAC devices, body language or simply being present. That doesn’t make the love any less real. Growing up, my family knew I loved them even before I could say it, through smiles, eye contact, leaning in during tough moments too…Connection doesn’t require sound, it just requires understanding. So whether you speak sign type or show love in your own way. Your love is valid and it matters.”

This is the heart of communication differences:

Every child communicates.

Every child connects.

Every child deserves to be understood in the language that comes naturally to them.

Support for Every Learner
Discover how SEND Tutoring supports students with a wide range of needs, including communication difficulties, ADHD, autism, dyslexia, PDA, SEMH, epilepsy, and more. 

Resources and Insights 

Looking for more practical tools and expert guidance? Visit our resources page for additional blogs, strategies, and helpful links.

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Ella Jones

If you’re looking for support for a child or young person with special educational needs or a disability, book a free call with us today and find out how we can help.